Life - The instant "Reality Show"

My dad has been suffering from chronic liver cirrhosis since quite some time. He is a person I have never seen dying!! People start throwing up when endoscopy machine is put into your mouth to travel through your esophagus to the stomach.! He used to enjoy even that, talking, smiling and having fun! He used to be a big time foodie and never even touched alcohol.  Cirrhosis - this deadly disease occurs in 81% cases due to consumption of alcohol, for him it was cryptogenic - i.e. Where Doctors are not able to diagnose the reason hence name it "Due to undefined Cause". I used to live with this fact that he is one of those good people who suffer for a time being and then see the better part of life.

Bullshit!!! He got an attack of hepatic encephalopathy coma - grade 4 last year, and the world in front of me was black. All thanks to my office and my bosses, I right away reached the hospital, with a pact that I would work from there. I used to observe my dad in ICU, while working on my new report requirement. All the stuff were supportive, but as usual, world would have been beautiful if you wouldn't have to work, yes that's correct. They were supportive but unwilling to work properly. After consistent 2 weeks fight dad's senses resumed. However, he resumed with another chained challenge - Ascites - grade 2, which in a few weeks turned to be grade 3. His kidneys started malfunctioning and a shunting became much needed periodical stuff.

It almost became a routine for me in last few months to work entire week in Pune, and travel each 2nd weekend to Bhopal, from station to hospital, entire day or 2 ICU attendant chair used to be my ultimate address corner. Work from there, take up all challenges, project related issues, office corporate issues etc and take care of my dad. Every night was a nightmare. However I got used to of all those and became ironic. Finally the year end came and I was happy that my dad was recovering slowly, a catalyst factor could have been my sister's new born baby girl - who was spreading the aura of charm and happiness all around in our house. I decided to be back to Pune and stay for a while. The night I was supposed to board the train for way back to Pune, dad fell off the bed!! His both hands bled like anything, as the skin got torn apart. I said "Thank God I am here" as I could be the only person to control my nerve and apply my brain. He was OK by next morning, he called me and whispered into my ears "Would you take me to my native place, my own house, I want to be there, take my last breathe". I was stunned as his medical diagnosis doesn't say he can talk meaningful! I came back to Pune with a plan that, we would take dad to the native place in February end.

My work makes me forget all my pain, this time also it worked! I used to work day and night to forget my pain, also to make sure before I go on a vacation, my team is secure to handle any extra work load in my absence. As the journey day was approaching my dad's condition started deteriorating and on the eve of the journey day, he almost collapsed. Again the same routine, I came all the way from Pune directly to the hospital. I saw him in severe pain, spoke to the doctor. He gave me a honest but bitter input -"Your dad is left with maximum 2 months as he is diagnosed with HRS (hepatic renal syndrome) and it can further deteriorate. "
 I knew this at the bottom of my heart, my heart tried to convince me "You should pull as much as you can" My brain explained "If you are pulling his life by giving him all possible medications, you are just keeping his body alive". "The injection he is on, can pull him for some more time but it would be as good as keeping the respiration alive" - Doctor said. I was shocked as the doctor echoed the same thing my brain was telling me.

I am already exhausted by all means, financially, mentally, physically, emotionally. If we stop the medication, he would have chronic unbearable pain, if we need continuing the medication, how would I be able to bear the expenses? My eyes are seeking an answer from my mind - they don't know neither brain or heart. They are crying - Can any one suggest me - which way to go???????

The Solitary - I live in

The green city Pune – or may I say – the city I am in love with. I fantasy the climate here. My friends call me effervescent by nature but trust me I could finally settle to write something about the place I live in, after 6 years J. Calm silhouette of Mula River – foliage surrounded one of the eldest residential society where I live in. Zephyr  in the evening – solitary stalk calls for a leisurely walk. I picked my camera and started walking. The serenity lay a hand on my loneliness. I fell in love with nature all over again.  Let me share what I maxim  there: